


Finding Regina's Heart

by KSQ



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Evil Queen - Freeform, F/F, Once Upon A Time, Regina Mills - Freeform, Swan Queen - Freeform, Swen - Freeform, emma swan - Freeform, regina and emma - Freeform, regina emma, swan mills - Freeform, swan queen ouat, swanqueen - Freeform, swen ouat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 20:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7815334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSQ/pseuds/KSQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina has turned into the EVIL QUEEN again. She even sentenced Emma to be tied up and burnt in the Enchanted Forest. But both of them know the truth. After avoiding each other for TWO YEARS, they meet again. And Emma has to rush against time to find where the Queen's heart is buried as Regina falls severely ill. Will she make it in time? Can she save the EVIL QUEEN?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Regina's Heart

She had become a monster.

The Enchanted Forest had become her little asylum that she controlled with the wave of her hand, dark eyes gleaming with evil as the darkness within fought hard, winning battles through blood lust and the taking of lives. She had become someone who had discarded Henry because he was holding her back, tying her to a life where control was weakened because of his love for her. Yet it was normal of me to understand the demons she fought and allowed to win. I understood that the woman who was falling apart was once a mother, someone who I challenged and challenged until I ended up falling in love with her. She was the one woman who could always drive me so crazy that I had no other choice than to yank at my hair, growl in anger, and wish that her eyes would flutter open someday, realizing what lay in my heart.

Even when she started to kill people with her bare hands or with the swing of a sword, I stayed. Even when she threatened to hang me because I was misusing my magic, protecting my little family who would crumble someday, I stayed. But there was only so far one could push it. There was only so far the trust, the love for her on my part could stretched.

The mother of all bullshit happened exactly six years after the whole Pan ordeal when she crossed the boundaries of family. In exactly half a day, Regina had lost all hope in my parents, capturing them with her magic and entrapping them underground where she had probably imprisoned many other people who had the courage to challenge her. Except me. I was still free. And most times, I wondered why she never ever tried to snatch me, terrorize me and put an end to it all.

I was sitting in this pub one afternoon with nothing to do on my hands when Robin came rushing in, his eyes wide as he searched the sea of faces. And locating me to the far end of the crowd just near the counter, boots thudded against the floor as he ran to me.

"Emma, something terrible has happened. And you must come quickly", he said breathless, as a shot glass was halfway up to my mouth, lips parted.

"What did she do now?" I asked warily, and I glanced away as a few bearded men considered me with hungry eyes. "Did she rob some sheep farmer of their flock?"

"She's captured your parents."

"What?" I asked, choking on the liquid I had just downed, sputtering over my words. I gripped the edge of the counter and stared wide eyed at him. "That's impossible! We made a deal. I made a deal with her. She can't just…"

"But she did. They've sent word via the prison guards to alert us on their imprisonment. And Regina wasted no time to boast about her catch, telling us all how she was growing bored and needed something alluring to do."

I considered him in silence.

"What do you want us to do? You're still the Sheriff and she's Queen but we must act quickly because if we don't then we all know what her intentions are."

"She's not going to kill them", I said directly, "I'm sure of it."

"Then why did she capture them? Her Majesty only ever has one intention in mind and that is to discard of her catches in the bloodiest form ever."

"No…" I downed another shot in one gulp, actually welcoming the burnt sensation as it travelled through me. "She's not going to kill them. I know what she wants."

"And what is that?" he asked, considering me with worried eyes.

I smiled. "After two years, I have to admit, I knew it was coming. I think it's time…" I said grabbing my red jacket from off the chair and standing up, "to pay the Queen a visit."

"You can't be serious! No one dares to walk up there and call for her. She could kill you and the possibilities are incredibly high. Emma…" he snatched at my arm as I began to move away from the spot, "you can't do this. You know what she's like, how she had you sentenced to be hanged. She's captured your parents to lure you in, to prove a point." He searched my eyes as I stared at him warily. "If you go up there, chances are, you might not come back."

"I'm willing to take that risk", I said pointedly. "Either way, I need to do something. See to it that Henry remains safe. And if I'll be careful."

"Don't do this", he warned as I turned my back on him, already halfway to the swinging doors.

"Trust me, Robin", I said, pressing my palms against the wood and pushing it open, greeting the afternoon wind with a serious face, "I have to do this. It's a long time overdue."

In other words, I was utterly mad to even consider such a thing. How did two years elapse without us having a peep of each other? Simple, after she had sentenced me to be hanged in public, after she had announced that I was a threat and my existence needed to be put to an end, I stopped trying to reason with her. Giving her two years was enough. What used to happen between us before now had been so stupid because I'd walk up to her door, I'd knock and request her presence, and then when she'd come, all that transpired between us was the fact that she 'hated me' and I was 'something she couldn't stand to look at' and I was 'a threat' and 'pathetic'. The last time I said goodbye to her was in a letter.

Somehow I had been pardoned from my 'hanging' because she had a change of heart. And it was just after I had sent that letter. I remember when the news had reached me that I was accused of nothing, just that I was a threat and my existence made her feel uncomfortable. Shocked at first, my eyes had swept over the deliberate announcement parchment with disbelief. Then my mother watched me as I began to smile. And after asking why I was smiling at such an outrageous thing, I simply took up a pen and paper then I took the greatest risk and confessed it all to her. In other words, I wrote the most beautiful letter I had ever written in my life.

_**If you hang me, you hang a woman who has loved you from the first time she met you and I never ever stopped loving you. So if you kill me, I get your answer loud and clear. And when I die, I'll know what lay in my heart and that you were the one who was weak enough to cut me off. So kill me, Regina. Kill me if you want yourself to stop loving me.** _

After that, I got her answer loud and clear indeed. And now, I was betting my life on it that she and I needed to have this talk. I needed to see her anyway. Neal was history, Hook had been a one year thing and after that, I had been alone, a single mother whose heart yearned for a Queen made of stone.

I think the reason why I never tried to stop her before was because I was somehow afraid of her. It's this point in time when you reach a place in your life and you love this person so much that one ill move on their part against you would kill you in so many ways other than physically. Had I confronted her about her sentence when it was released, then I think it would have ended badly. A letter had seemed appropriate because I knew that it would be delivered and she would have room to read between the lines, to gather up her own assumptions and to make her own decision. Before that sentence, yes I did confront her about her actions. I kept telling her over and over again that going down that road again, giving into her demons wasn't the right way. I kept pressuring her to see reason with me, to stop this and try to be happy.

But if it was one thing about Regina was that she LOVED control because when she had it, she could get anything she wanted. And eventually she became the most powerful person in the realm. But power could only push you so far, could only get you so many things. In the end, she lost Henry, she lost her family and she lost happiness.

That's when she began to shut herself away from all of us. Within those two years, Regina was never ever seen and when she was seen, people spoke about her degrading appearance, how her age was showing, her hair was streaked with grey, and above all, she had given me her answer, kept giving me reason to believe that all of it stemmed from my letter.

Actually six years after Pan's curse wasn't really that drastic of a period of change, especially in Fairytale Land. Nothing really changed. When you'd think bringing technology here would have done everyone some good, instead people relapsed back into their old ways. Mobile phones could never work here without signal towers. Televisions couldn't work without power.

So I had to take a carriage to get to her castle. I must confess that when I had returned to Storybrooke from New York, I had no idea whatsoever that five years after I'd be riding in a freaking carriage on my way to meet my doom. Needless to say, when the wheels came to halt and the driver peeked in under the window, I gazed around to realize that I was the only remaining occupant of the vehicle. Frowning, he collected my payment and with a crack of the whip, he was off as if chasing the setting sun to meet home before dark. The further away he got from her castle was probably best for him, as he'd think.

But me, I strode up the pathway leading to her castle walls without a nervous flutter in my chest. From the last time I had been here, things had changed drastically. What remained of the castle walls was thick stone that surrounded her prison about ten feet high now. Guards held position on the walls, some sitting, others standing by the double gates. And all of a sudden, I realized that if my presence wasn't desired, then my visit would be an epic fail. Anyway, I walked up to those gates with a purpose in mind.

Without even uttering a word, when the head guard saw me, when we shared a mutual familiarity between us, he waved me through. Of course I should have been shocked by such a move. I should have turned and fled the scene, run like the wind and never look back. But I wanted to see her. I wanted to do something, to save my parents and to give her Majesty exactly what she wanted.

As I was let in through the gates, the first thing that greeted my eyes was the finely mowed lawns, green and with life as compared to the looming fortress. And everything else remained the same from the last time I had been here. Same flower beds that were dotted with roses ranging from black to red and pink, same neatly paved pathway, same spiked towers and glassy windows that appeared haunting, and the same fucking silence that enveloped the place like a walk in tomb.

The silence always could kill me.

It was something that rang like a screeching sound through my head and almost drove me into madness. Now it was barely there, this screaming insanity that she could actually live in for so long. When I was ushered to the double doors that led inside by this beefy guard made of steel, eyes red with evil, I stood there and waited. He went inside, and very soon returned.

"Her Majesty said to tell you that she wishes not to see you."

"Just as I expected", I said with anger raging in me now, and with a wave of my hand, I swung him out of my way warily. "She wants to play…" I stepped through the doors and heard the footfalls approaching as I slammed them shut, sealing them with magic, "I'll play her game."

The air was thick with darkness, a sense of being encased in a pocket where air was compressed. It was almost as if she was containing some sort of evil within these walls, entrapping demons in here that somehow protected her, soothed her like teddy bears and wiped away her tears. When my eyes roamed the interior room, resting on framed pictures of grasslands and moonlight depictions, gardens of roses and sunsets, I couldn't help but snort.

I guess I knew they were coming, and because they were coming, I stood there. Somehow deep downside, my intrusion would lead me to her. They'd capture me and if I behaved badly, I'd be taken to where she was. Or maybe I'd be kicked out.

Before I could make a run for it, I was surrounded. Flinging as many of them aside as I could with my magic, more came at me like ants so in the end I was captured. My arms were snatched and my boots wiped her polished marble floors as I refused to fight. If you could only know how glad I was when they didn't drag me to the exit, but deeper inside the castle… My heart raced time as I grew closer to her because somehow I could feel it. It's like you could feel the source of energy pulsating through these walls, leaving a trail to the monster who had created this lair.

Mirrors were covered with thick red blinds, windows were sealed shut from the inside, and no fireplace was lit to provide some warmth to the chilled atmosphere. Everything was so fucking neatly laid out, from the way she furnished her rooms to the precise positioning of her frames on the wall, down to how her carpet was cut to cover every inch of floor. I was growing nauseous by just considering my surroundings as they dragged me. And very soon, I began to fight, growing frustrated after I felt like a rag doll being pulled to a feast.

This reminded me of that song "Hotel California" by the Eagles.

_**Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz…** _

__**Mirrors on the ceiling,**  
The pink champagne on ice  
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"  
And in the master's chambers,  
They gathered for the feast  
They stab it with their steely knives,  
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember, I was  
Running for the door  
I had to find the passage back  
To the place I was before  
"Relax, " said the night man,  
"We are programmed to receive.  
You can check-out any time you like,  
But you can never leave! "

I began to hum it as the madness around me squeezed at my sanity, gripping me with vicelike fingers as I was led to this door. And pushing it open, the first thing that hit me was the smell of her perfume. It was heavy, so thick that my nose burnt, my eyes were squeezed shut as every inch of my body began to awaken to her closeness. And there she stood with her back to me, dressed in a flowing blood red gown, red and fresh like dripping blood. Her hair was longer now and greying black. Her sequined long sleeved jacket was bunched up around her slim waist as a hand was outstretched. And from where I stood, I watched Regina torture my father who I had grown to love, a man who had protected me in the best way that he could, trying as hard as he could to make up for the time that was lost between us for so long. She had a knife in her outstretched hand and as he squeezed his eyes shut, the woman who I had loved from the time I met her, she carefully ran the blade across his chest.

I was so frozen on the spot, my voice ran away from me. And as a thin line of blood began to appear on milk white skin it was then when my mother's scream made me choke on a gasp. Holding a hand against my mouth, I considered Snow tied up against the wall, a noose around her neck and her hands bounded behind her shaking figure. When our eyes met, hers widened with shock and the first thing she did was to mouth 'run!' in my direction. But I stayed right where I was as a hand gripped my father around his neck, choking him as a hoarse laugh ensued.

"I'm not going to kill you", she said hoarsely, the gravel in her voice crawling my skin. "I'm just going to…"

"Regina", I said directly, my voice small but loud enough to fill the silence.

Immediately she spun around on the heels of her boots, eyes wide as we gazed upon each other after so long. From the time she looked at me, I believed that my knees grew so weak: it was unlike any other moment before. Before I used to grow weak from her beauty, the way she'd appear so beautiful in front of me. But now her face had grown paler, lined and gaunt, and her eyes were black pools of darkness that burnt with evil.

"Emma", she said, and her hand that gripped the knife faltered, hovering over my father's chest as something changed within her.

"What…" I swallowed hard, and took a step forward, maintaining eye contact, "what are you…doing?"

And my flicker of hope was gone because in a flash, that small change that I had witnessed behind her eyes was gone as if blown out like a candle.

"Why I'm taking care of business", she said with a smile, her gaze roaming my figure slowly. "I knew you'd come."

"I'm here", I said, feeling a pain in my chest as I just couldn't breathe. "I'm here and you have to let them go. Let them go."

"And why would I do such a thing?" she asked, appearing mad in front of me, her smile turned upwards and jeering.

"Because you got what you wanted. I'm here and it's me you want. So let them go and let's keep this between us."

"You're telling me what to do now?"

I clenched my fists and tried to muster up composure as anger sliced through me. "What do you want, Regina?" I asked directly. At first I think my question shocked her, because she was probably expecting an outburst from me. And it took her some time to answer.

"You know what I want."

"No, actually I don't. I don't know you at all."

"You know me", she said fast, lowering the knife as her attention focused on me and me alone.

"I don't know you but I thought I did."

"I'm the monster you once accused me of being", and she spread open her arms, considering me with hard eyes, "the villain, the psycho, the worthless mother: all those names you referred to me by, they're all bundled in one and she's standing here right before you."

"Regina…" I said as tears stung my eyes, "I didn't…"

"Mean all those things you said?" she asked in a firm voice. "That's funny", and a hoarse laugh ensued as she glanced at my mother, "no really, that's really funny." Her eyes grew hard in half a second. "Get the hell out of my castle."

And turning around, she stepped towards my mother and snatched her by the throat, lifting her up as she squeezed with all her might. "I'll kill you Snow White, for ruining me like this…" With my eyes filled from hot tears, I strode forward hard and fast. And when we were merely a foot apart, I bravely grabbed her around the waist with one hand, feeling the coarse material of her gown, the way she lacked warmth, my other hand wrapping around her throat.

"Let her go", I whispered in her left ear, my lips pressed so close that I could smell her hair, a faint smell of apples. I purposely breathed unto her skin, teasing her, playing her, trying to get a reaction from her.

Immediately, she staggered on the spot, and her grip slackened as I slowly pulled her back. Very soon, her hands reached mine as I pressed my palm against her midsection and kept it there, our bodies glued together.

It was nerve shattering, the proximity killing me as the seconds ticked by because I remembered one time when we were this close and even then had been so long ago. Now with her body so close to me, so cold against me, all I could do was try as hard as I could to focus. I was losing control with my emotions, with my feelings for her. And I knew she could feel it, the way my heart was racing in my chest.

I wanted her to feel me, all of me, to know that I was there.

"Stop it…" she choked, as her hand lashed at my grip around her throat.

"Use your magic on me", I dared her. "Come on…" my lips remained pressed to her ear. "I know you can."

Her breathing quickened as I felt her shudder under my touch, ignoring my parents' stares as my hand moved upwards, feeling her barefacedly in front of them. And when my fingers whispered upon the swell of her breasts, it was then when she gasped. My mother's eyes were the widest but she could be as naïve as ever. She could be faced with the truth and ignore it. So I took advantage of the situation, wrapping my arms tightly around Regina and keeping her close as emotions choked me.

"Take me instead", I repeated. "Let them…" I felt her hands wound their way around me, pulling me closer to her as if that was possible, fingertips pressing into the small of my back and driving me crazy. "Let them go…"

"Emma, she's going to kill you", my mother choked on tears. "Don't…"

"She's not going to kill me", I said.

"How can you be so sure?"

I considered Snow with reassuring eyes. "Two years ago", I said, choking on the desire to taste the skin that lay inches away from my mouth, "if I was wrong. If I was so wrong, and it was just a coincidence that I was pardoned, then…kill them", I whispered to Regina.

Snow gasped and my father's head lolled sideways as he passed out from his weakened state. "Emma!"

"After you kill them, you can kill me too", I urged. And then I released her.

I stepped away from her, just one step and she turned around to face me. When our eyes met, when she saw that I was crying already, I allowed my defenses to fall, and for her to get a chance to peer within me. I just broke down all my barriers for her to see. And we stared at each other for a long time. Within that time, I guess my mind kept racing back to all the times we had spent together, even venturing back to the first time when she had hugged me. After returning from New York, she had hugged me and we had stayed like that a little longer than both of us had anticipated. It was from then when I wondered if my feelings weren't one sided. After that hug, she was always awkward around me.

Until we came back here and she became like this.

"I'll let them go", she said with her face bland, eyes empty.

"Good."

"But on one condition…"

"Always a 'but' with you…"

With a wave of her hand, both my parents were released from their restraints. And she motioned for her guards to step forward.

"No", I said quickly, holding a hand up. "I want to make sure they leave." With a wave of my hand, my parents were enveloped in white smoke as I both returned them out of there and somewhere safe. "Just taking precautions…" I assured her. "Two years", and I stepped towards her, never afraid, "look what that letter did to you. I kind of was expecting this little plan of yours, capturing my parents and wanting to kill them. You wanted to lure me here. Or maybe you wanted to kill them off for other reasons but you and I both know the source of all of this. So cut the bullshit."

"I can't tolerate this", she said firmly.

"Tolerate what, exactly? Why don't you do what you had planned initially?" I asked of her, looking straight in her eyes. "After Daniel you became a wreck but nothing close to this…" and I waved a hand over her in front of me. "It's too obvious why you've become like this."

"Brave and bold as always", she said with a smirk. "You're so sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"Why don't you deny it then?"

"I don't love you, Emma. Get over yourself."

I started to laugh. "If you don't love me then why did you react the way you did just now when I touched you?"

"Stop being paranoid", she said warily, but her eyes were diverted to look elsewhere.

"Stop being ignorant and accept the truth", I stated. "You want me. I might be taking a leap here but somewhere inside of me, I can feel that it's true. And as the times goes by, I'm becoming sure of it. You can't continue hiding it, Regina. I see everything behind those walls you try to put up, behind the evil you hide behind."

"Emma, you're really pushing it."

"You're dying for me to just…touch you", I said over her words. "My words have this huge impact on you, always did when what everyone else told you was mere background noise. Just give up, Regina."

And there, I guess I did push it too far. She strode towards me, her heels clicking, echoing around the room filled with this thick tension. She came at me and I allowed her to because it's what she wanted. But because of my fear, because of the one thin streak of fright I had within me, I stepped back fast. Yet it just sparked mischief in her dark eyes as if we were playing cat and mouse. Pushing me hard against the wall, she waved a hand to fling the doors close, shutting out her guards.

"Look me in my eyes when you do it", I said to her, my insides frozen with fear, anticipation. "I always…" her hands gripped my shoulders and held me there, "I always thought about this moment, when you'd have to make this decision, when you'd do this."

"Then you already have prepared yourself."

"You know you're making a mistake", I choked on dry tears, searching her eyes but I saw nothing. "You don't want to do this."

"Oh, but you're urging me to do this and I really want to." She smiled barely. "I hate you, Emma."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"If you hated me, then you would have hanged me."

"I…never hanged you because my change of heart came from me wishing to have you die by my hands and not by a rope."

"No, that's not it."

"You're so certain."

"Yeah, I am."

"Elaborate before I continue", she urged me, her eyes burning like coals.

"I don't need to elaborate because…" I held her gaze, "inside your heart you know what you truly feel."

"Well I don't have my heart anymore", she said hoarsely, smiling as if it was some triumphant decision on her part.

"What?"

"How do you think I became like this?" releasing me, she stood right where she was, inches separating us. "I had to get rid of the pain, the fact that I could never be happy."

"Why?"

"Why what?

"Why do you believe you can never be happy?"

"Because I'm a villain."

"No, you're not. You're hurting. Just because you hurt, that doesn't make you a villain. It's how you respond to that hurt."

"I'm not hurting anymore."

"Yes you are. Look at me", I said, reaching out to press my palms against her cheeks, turning her eyes to me, "you're hurting. The more you hurt, the easier it is for whatever is destroying you to take over. All this time, you just wanted one thing."

"And what's that?" she asked directly, "I want nothing from you."

"That's because you want me."

"I…"

"Say it."

"I'm not going to say anything so ridiculous."

"If it's ridiculous then just say it because it will just be a string of words that mean nothing to you. And when you say it, I'll tell if you mean it or not."

"I'm not saying anything", she said firmly.

"Because you know it's true. Two years", I reminded her, "I gave you two years to digest those words in that letter addressed to you. If they meant nothing to you then why are you falling apart like this? Look at you…" and my eyes met her hair then roamed her face. "You're collapsing all because you just can't accept the truth."

In seconds, I felt her hand pressing against my chest, and when her fingers wrapped around my heart, I gasped, staring wide eyed at her. "Emma", she said in a low voice, "you've just reminded me why I just…have to…kill you."

"Then do it", I choked, as my eyes lowered to meet my heart pulsing within her grasp. "Look at me and crush it."

Pulling her closer to me, I rested my forehead against hers, maintaining our gaze as she considered me with wide eyes. And in those seconds that ticked by, I believed that she saw me at my weakest point because I began to cry against her. Tears ran down my cheeks as my heart's glow faded in her hand, as I grew so weak from the pain she was causing me. Never believing it was possible, as I looked at her, Regina's eyes grew wet with tears, and with her lips parted, a jolt of electric shock streaked through me, blinding me in pain as she started to squeeze my heart within her grasp.

"I thought you'd want me", I said hoarsely against her, finding it hard to breathe. "After all we've been…through…I thought I meant something to you. I…believed in you when no one else did…" she kept her grip and braced me up against the wall, our lips lying inches apart. "If you had your heart, you'd never…do this."

"Emma…stop believing in me."

"I'll never stop. I can't stop."

"I'm not the woman you think I am."

"Then somewhere inside there is the woman I fell in love with."

"I wish you'd just understand that I can never love you the way you want me to."

"If that's true then why did you cry when you heard I was getting married to Neal?"

The silence that elapsed after that was the only response I was hoping for. And because she was consumed in shock at my knowledge on that matter, I took it to my advantage. My mother could never keep a secret and I was thankful for her not keeping that one. After I had become engaged to Neal a year after we came back here, Snow had told Regina the news. But it was Robin who had told me the rest, that he had found her crying that very afternoon after my mother had left. I never believed it because it sounded so superficial. And it was a flimsy accusation.

But the silence proved meaning to those words. And now I believed I owed Robin much more than he could ever want.

"You cried, and I never saw you for days after. Then you…lock yourself up and you became like this. Tell me I'm wrong then, tell me what I feel is one sided. Go ahead and lie to my face if that's going to make you feel better."

"I…" I lost my breath as she pressed my heart back into my chest slowly, still maintaining her grip, "did cry. I cried because…I was weak."

"And now you're strong. Without me, without love, without Henry, without happiness, you're so strong."

"I have control and power."

"At what price?" I asked.

"I have control over my life", she said slowly. "There are things I can control and I prefer that."

"At what price?" I asked again. "At the cost of your beauty, your heart, your son, your family and…me?"

"If I let you go", she said, completely ignoring me, "I don't want to ever see you again."

"I'm not going to stay away from you."

"You have to. You have no choice."

"I can't control what my heart feels."

"Stop being so stubborn and take my offer", she said without emotion. "Or else I'll force you to."

"Where did you put your heart, Regina?" I asked, ignoring her this time.

"You know where my heart is", she said, breathing on me, her breath cold as frigid air. "If you find it, do me a favor and crush it. I don't want anyone else to be given that task. Kill the one woman who is causing you all the pain in the world, the monster you love and keep loving. Just find it and kill me. I wouldn't hate you for that. I'll thank you because you have no idea how you've destroyed me, what you've done to push me, to make me become like this. I want you to think of all the times you caused me to hurt, when you…first kissed the pirate and when you rushed to find Neal. When you refused to see reason behind my actions that it wasn't only Henry I cared about."

Releasing me, she stepped away and her chest heaved as she inhaled, lifting a shaky hand to bat away tears.

"Regina…" I said softly, staring at her with wide eyes, in disbelief from her words.

"I loved you, Emma", she said, avoiding my eyes. "That's what you want to hear. Daniel's loss didn't destroy me this much because I never loved him as much as I…loved you."

"Do you still…"

"No", she said firmly. "I don't. That woman is gone, the one who wanted you. She's dead."

"Don't…do…this", I said, my throat clenched from emotion.

"You have to leave."

"Regina…please…"

"I said to leave!" she shouted, her eyes hard. "Leave my castle and never come back because if you do, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you. Some small part of me wants to let you go. So go. Live with that and never come back."

"Okay", I said finally, after a slice of silence between us. "If that's what you want."

And when I left the room, I didn't, I couldn't gather up enough energy to leave just yet. Sinking to the floor, her carpeted floors done to perfection, I erupted. I cried, choking on my sobs as the door remained slammed shut two feet away from me. My eyes considered the movement of the shadows under the crack hole, the sound of her heels. And I knew she stood there listening to me. I knew she remained there because my heart told me she was there.

After tears ran dry on me, I got up, shaking from being so weak, my knees never strong enough. And I left her.

* * *

Two weeks later, after realizing that I couldn't let go, after I started to fall apart, I just made one decision. My new quest was to find her heart. And I'd find it. I'd do it and I'd return it to her.

"I have no idea where she'd put it", Snow said, her forehead creased in concern. "No one knows with Regina. Once she tried to bury it in the forest just like that, and I stopped her. But I don't know where she keeps it."

"Neither do I", dad said as I looked at him.

Silence passed between us.

"Emma", mom said softly, and resting her book down upon the table before her, her eyes met my little sister and brother playing in the corner, "are you…"

I waited.

Dad shared a glance with her and they both turned to look at me, waiting.

"Am I what?"

She breathed in and closed her eyes. "Emma, are you in love with…her?"

"If I told you I am, then you have every right to hate me for it because of my stupidity." Hanging my head, I flexed my fingers before me and remained the source of their scrutiny for quite some time.

"When did this…happen?" my mother asked.

"When we first met", I said quietly.

"And you…never…told…us?"

I lifted my eyes to consider my father and frowned. "It's not exactly a fairytale discussion that everyone wants to have. The daughter of Snow White falling for the Evil Queen…"

"What are you going to do with her heart if you find it?" Snow asked, her eyes wide.

"I'm going to do what any person who loves another would do in a situation like that", I said warily. "I'll put it back where it belongs."

"There is a high possibility that you'll kill her", Charming said, studying me with his eyes. "She's become so evil, she's gone so far that her heart might destroy her."

"Either way, if I crush it or return it, it's the same result I'm risking", I said, my eyes pinched with tears. "I have to find it."

"I kind of think you'd know where it is…" my mother said as the bell tolled six outside. Her eyes rested on my father. "Like I always say, if you love someone and they love you, you'll always find each other. And in this situation, I think your…heart…would be able to find hers IF you both want the same thing. It's a high risk to take, but I think if you try then there's no harm in that."

"If you kill her, you'd be doing us all a favor", my father admitted without any emotion. "It's up to you to make your choice."

"But I love her", I said in disbelief. "You think I'd want to kill her?"

"I never said you'd want that. And it's always like you to save her from her actions. So do whatever it takes. Just so you know, your mother and I wouldn't be quick to give her another chance ever again."

"I understand that. Look…" I got up and sighed, pushing my chair closer to the table, "it's all on me. I don't expect any of you to accept anything I do."

"Emma, we…"

"No", I said holding up a hand, "you just don't understand what she means to me. What she said to me, all of it made me realize that all of this, who she's become, its fault. And I need to do something about it."

How could I find her heart if I had no idea where it was? Should I just stand in the open and listen to my heart, relying on it to lead me to where hers was buried? It's exactly what I did. I stood outside in the open, eyes squeezed shut and I listened, I felt, and I waited. And nothing happened.

I stayed there for a long time and when a carriage moved by, quickly stepping back, I decided to try another method. She'd bury it somewhere that meant something to her. Maybe this place meant something to me too. Where we first met: Storybrooke. But that didn't exist now. Not Neverland, because I had called her a monster, a villain back then. Could it be right here?

An idea suddenly sparked in my mind and rushing inside, pushing the doors open, my boots hitting the floor, I searched for my mother and found her in her bedroom.

"When…" I was breathless, bending over to catch my breath, "when you told Regina about my engagement to…Neal", I said in a rush as she stopped combing her hair to consider me in the mirror, "where did…this take place?"

"Emma, stop bringing up Neal. It wasn't your fault he left you for Wendy. So you need to get over it."

"I'm not worrying about Neal", I said in disbelief. "I want to know exactly where you told her about our engagement."

She smiled. "Oh that's easy. She was by her mausoleum delivering flowers to her father's shrine. It's where she keeps her hearts, all of them. Wait…" turning her eyes to look at me, they widened, "you think she'd keep her heart in there?"

"I can't think of any other place!"

"But it's so obvious! However…" Snow frowned, "no one can get in there, not even Gold, now that she's enchanted it."

"She said I would know where it is", I said, lost in thoughts of where that could be, "and if it was in there, then that would be too obvious. She said _when_ I find it, I should crush it."

"Then it's not in there. You probably need to think back on things, like was there something significant that happened between the two of you at a certain place? Somewhere she'd revisit and because of all the pain, she'd bury it there?"

I suddenly knew exactly where it could be, not because of a significant place, but because of the conversation that had passed between us. And from the minute I realized where that could be, tears stung my eyes. My insides froze over from that one memory, that one recollection and if her words hadn't been significant to me on that late night just near the lake, then I wouldn't have known any other place.

* * *

" _Coming back here, I thought…well…" she waved a hand in front of her, eyes diverted as she stared out onto the lake, "I thought I'd be happy."_

" _Regina, what exactly do you need to be happy?" I asked warily, my eyes on the back of her head as her dark hair fluttered in the wind._

_I studied her figure from behind and swallowed, wondering if anyone loved her as much as I did._

" _I don't need much", she said and lifting her left hand, she flexed her fingers, the ring glinting in the soft shadows._

" _Is this about Henry?"_

" _It always was, wasn't it?" Turning her head barely, she considered me with wet eyes. "You and me, always fighting over Henry…our son."_

" _I…thought that you'd understand he's our son and I can't just let him go. I can't give him to you and stop being his mother."_

" _But that's not my intention. No…" she sighed. "I want Henry but things aren't so easy. Everything I want doesn't stop there."_

" _You're never going to be contented with any decision I make, are you?" I asked, anger whispering within my chest. "All you want is to be selfish and do things your way, to have your way and fuck everyone else."_

" _Why are you behaving like this?" she asked now, turning to look at me as she sat on the bench. "I never said that I wanted Henry, or that I want to take him away from you."_

" _Then what do you want?"_

" _Nothing", she said quietly, her eyes suddenly saddened. "I want…nothing, Emma."_

" _Sometimes I worry after you", I said, shaking my head as I approached the bench. "You always say stuff that worries me."_

" _What's supposed to worry you never does", Regina said softly, her eyes focused front again._

" _And what's that supposed to mean?"_

" _Nothing."_

" _Is your answer to everything nothing?"_

" _You tell me. Does that define who I am to you?"_

" _What?"_

_We stared at each other for a long time as the water lapped against the wall of the lake. She was wearing a black dress, short to her knees._

" _I called you here to confirm what your mother told me last week", she said as a flock of birds flew across the sky. I watched them go and waited. "Are you truly getting married to Gold's son?"_

" _He's Henry's father", I said. "Just as you're his mother. He's not just a person, or Gold's son."_

" _Okay…you actually still love him?"_

" _Yeah, I do."_

" _Or are you marrying him to gain Gold's trust, to appear as the Savior in Henry's eyes, reuniting his mother and father once more?"_

_I considered her with wide eyes. "Is that what you think of me, that I'm some kind of a tool and I use myself to the best of my advantage?"_

" _Wouldn't put it past me since you've done it before."_

" _When have I ever done something like that before?" I asked her._

" _You always think you can save everyone, and that's your slogan in life. But what pisses me off is the fact that you are about to make the biggest mistake of your life and you're so blind, you cannot see it."_

" _I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life?" I asked her, pointing at myself, "Regina, if you don't know what you're talking about then just quit while you're behind and do us both a favor."_

" _You're about to make the biggest mistake ever", she said, looking at me in my eyes, "you're about to take a step that you'll rethink in your future. Anything that concerns Gold isn't worth it. He's an imp and he lies. He wants to push this so that his little plan can succeed."_

" _And what does he want to succeed in?" I asked directly, clenching my fists in anger._

" _He wants to destroy me…"_

" _Regina, what are you talking about?" I sat upon the bench, distance between us as she cast her eyes on the lake before her._

" _If you marry Neal, you'll know what I'm talking about."_

" _You're telling me not to marry him?" I wanted her to turn to me, to look at me so that I could read her eyes. "Is that what you're telling me?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Why?" I wanted her to say it, to add some meat to my suspicions and confess._

" _Because I…" taking a deep breath, she looked down upon her lap and blinked, "I know that once you do that, once he has…his mother and father reunited, I'll be nothing to him. He's going to have a…family and I'll just be the mother who is left alone. I've always had a hard time being good enough for him. He's always loved you more. You're the Savior, you're the one who has…Hook, Neal chasing after you. You're bound to give him a family, something he wants, something I can never complete without…" She breathed in and stopped._

" _Sometimes I wish we'd both stop using Henry as an excuse", I said softly, "I wish you'd just wake up and realize that it's not about him. It's about you and he's your son yeah, he's mine too. But this is my life and this is your life. Someday we're going to have to let him go, to make his own decisions and we're the ones who will have to find some way to survive after that. I hate to see you cling unto him like this all the time, refusing to love anyone else. It's always about Henry and you love him above everyone else. I love my son above everyone else yeah but that doesn't mean that he's the only one I love or will keep on loving. In your life, you have to make room for someone else."_

" _How can I make room for someone else if every time I keep holding unto the possibility of happiness, it's just…." She clenched her fists, "it' just ripped away from me and all I'm left with is the future of an everlasting broken heart?"_

" _It's a risk you have to take, Regina."_

" _I can't take that risk."_

" _Why?"_

" _I can't take that risk because the person I love doesn't feel the same way about me."_

_I swallowed. "And who's that person?"_

" _That person is nothing…"_

" _If you use that word one more time, I swear I'll nothing you…" I said as a joke, but it was as if I had stretched it too far. "Is it Robin?"_

_For a long time we sat there without her answering me. And I probably should have known the answer already. I should have known that it was me. I was so stupid. I could have stopped so many things from happening, people's lives from being taken from them. I could have asked if it was me, and then if she denied it, I should have…I should have kissed her._

" _Let's walk back together?" I asked her quietly, wishing she'd say yes._

" _I don't think so. Actually I'd like to stay her a little longer…alone."_

_Standing up, I felt my heart ache. "Are you sure?"_

" _I'm always sure. I always trust my heart on matters and look where it leads me."_

_And I left her there sitting. That was probably the last time we ever spoke so deeply, exposed so much, because after that, she did change._

* * *

Now all that was left was me facing a decision that could kill her. How could I live with this? What options did I have? I could leave her without her heart and try to force myself back into her life, dealing with all the pain she'd be in, trying to make a heartless woman love me. If I found her heart then I'd have to either crush it or return it to her. She'd fight me, she'd refuse, and above all, she could die in my arms.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I was so stupid, so naïve like my mother, choosing Neal over Regina when she was the one I loved all the time. To be so bold all the time and to not do anything about this, to never make a move, to never act up and be the first person to kiss her. Now she was a monster, and it was my fault.

It took me two hours to find the spot, the exact spot where that memory had played out. And when I found it, I wasn't so sure of the location because things had changed so much around the lake. Where the bench once sat was vines that wrapped around the iron like a cocoon, and from the time I saw the spot, my heart suddenly began to race in my chest. It felt magnetic, like this pull, and something started to happen to me. I felt the blood rushing through my veins, felt dizzy, knees weak as I approached the spot. And stooping, my hands were shaky as I held them out before me, studying them with wide eyes.

When I started to dig, I had no idea what to expect, so I dug with careful fingers. I parted soil and uprooted grass, tore at vines and moved aside rocks. I dug and dug, and then I started to cry. I cried because if it wasn't here then I had no idea where it would be. The only other place was Storybrooke, and as far as I knew, it didn't exist anymore. If I couldn't find her heart then what was I supposed to do, just live my life like this? Where was my happy ending? Neal was gone and Hook was fucked. Who could make me feel any better, who could make feel the way I felt when I touched her? No one else could have that connection with me at all and I knew it.

I dug until my knuckles became raw and started to bleed, bruises lined my skin. And then my eyes met a slice of worn out gold that had to belong to a box. Drying my eyes, my insides stung as I dug around it, and when it was there before me, I gasped.

My heart was racing in my chest as I picked it up and fumbling with the lock, I already could feel the pulsating beats from within. When the lock was pulled open, I held it carefully in my hands and lifted the lid. And from the time my eyes met her heart, mine just became washed over with this warming sensation. I stopped breathing as somehow, believe it or not, both of our hearts matched the same rhythm. Shadowed with black, mist whirling around within it, I was astonished at how blackened her heart had become. So what could I do next?

Closing the lid, I lifted the box carefully and fetched it the rest of the way as if I was holding a bomb. Many people's eyes met the box in my hand as I took the carriage. None asked questions because from the looks of it, the box could appear like a small toy chest. And very soon, I was back in the same position. The driver dropped me off and peering through the window, he shook his head in disbelief.

"You sure this is your destination, Sheriff?" he asked with wide eyes.

"I'm sure", I said, reaching up to pay him.

"Good luck."

I needed that.

Come to think of it, I mean, how stupid it was on my part to fetch a freaking precious heart like this all the way here in the open like this. I had placed my trust in the possibility of anyone attacking me to be so slim. So many people would want to have the heart, to crush it and kill her. And what I was about to do, this wasn't any different.

The guards let me through without a complaint, and the front doors were opened without a fuss as my eyes met the one guard who I had flung out of my way. It all seemed too easy.

"Where's her Majesty?" I asked him, standing there with the box under my jacket.

"Didn't you hear?" he asked, his face expressionless.

"What?"

"The Queen's sick, been bed ridden for almost four days now. The whole town probably knows by now. I think you'd know."

I was suddenly washed over with grief, with worry, eyes wide. "What's wrong with her?" I asked.

"Don't know. She's just taken ill after your little visit. And it looks suspicious around her. Something you did to her?"

"It's what I didn't do", I said under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing…" Even saying that one word made me feel like a fool.

"I'll let you in, but it's at your own peril. Anyway, she's sick so she can't hurt you. From the looks of it, I don't think she has much time left. So you might be paying your last visit. Personally I've always wanted to work with your side", he said as our boots padded against the carpeted floor, him escorting me. "I've always seen coming, the day when she'd…you know, because there's only so far evil can go. And she's not like the Dark One. He has his dagger and he has eternal life. Not her Majesty. There was a time when I knew her and she was so beautiful. Not now. All I see when I look at her is…death."

He led me to these double doors and I was so glad to be separated from him after the mention of that one word I feared. The place wasn't quiet now, but was filled on my part with the beating of two hearts. She called me a Savior, and she used to make fun of me, used to criticize me sarcastically. But here I was doing my job. I was here, about to try to save her. I didn't have to do this. I could crush it and try to get over her after all this pain. I could walk away but here I stood outside her bed chambers.

And when I pushed the door, I took a deep breath in and stepped inside the room. My entire body grew cold from the time my eyes swept the room. It was a scene no one desired to see ever in their life, where the one you loved for so many years was just lying there. There she was.

I couldn't care about the room because everything else meant nothing to me. Eyes meeting her on the bed, her legs tangled in red sheets just broke my heart. She was sleeping or had chosen to keep her eyes closed, but as soon as I took one tentative step towards her, she groaned. Standing still, I felt hot tears creep down my cheeks and my hands started to shake because of how weak she looked. Her dark hair was fanned out across the red satin pillowcase, head tilted sideways as one hand faintly shielded her eyes, barely visible from where I stood. And the only sign of her being still alive was the rise and fall of her chest. The swell of her breasts was barely covered by her lace vest.

Two steps, then three, four, and eventually six led me to her side. And without making a sound, I just stooped there and considered her in silent vigil, almost as if the end had already passed and she was merely here in some other form. But I didn't want that. I didn't want her to die. Some small part of me was probably bracing myself for what was to come, or what could happen. And I realized that I had never ever done this before, had never returned a heart back into someone's chest. She was the one who knew about these things. Mom had told me that Regina did it in front of her, had done it to her.

And now it was up to me.

Resting the box on the ground, I opened it slowly and hesitated at first, my fingers growing cold as I reached inside to grab her heart. And as soon as I touched it, I could sense her shudder on the bed.

"Emma…" she said hoarsely, and I watched silently as her eyes fluttered open, a hand pressed to her chest.

"Regina…"

"I…told…you not…" she gasped for air, trying to breathe, "not to…come back…here…go…"

"No", I said in a weak voice.

"…away. Go away…I…don't…want to see you…"

"I'm not going to go away", and I lifted a hand, hovering over hers that rested on her midsection. She looked so frail and weak. It pained me to see her like that. "What's…wrong with you? What's happening?"

"I'm withering away like a rose who's lost its beauty because of the harshness of the wind", she said dramatically.

"I still see a rose."

"We…both wasted time. Time is precious. You were right", she was breathing slowly, almost as if it was hard for her to even accomplish that simple task. "Your letter…changed me. Two years and look at me. I'm…not alive anymore."

"You're alive", I said and my fingers whispered against hers, our eyes staying on each other as she felt so cold. "Regina, I'm here. I've always been here."

"When I wanted you, you weren't there for me…"

"I'm sorry", and clutching her fingers between mine, I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"You always believed in me but you never could see the truth…" moving her hand away, she sucked in air, eyes squinted.

"I still believe in you."

"Not when you married…someone else…"

"I thought you didn't love me."

"How could you ever think that when I was so obvious on my intentions?"

I thought about it.

"How would you…like…a…glass…of the best…apple cider you…ever tasted. I'm…not talking about my magic, I'm talking about…our…magic. Don't…marry…Neal…you're making a mistake…Emma…please don't marry him…"

I didn't know what to do. There I sat on my knees by her bedside as she began to ramble off, things she had said to me, things she remembered between us and she kept telling me over and over that I shouldn't marry Neal. I couldn't see her like this because she was frightening me. And her eyes were so empty, so lifeless that my fingers reached down to close around her heart and they did, I never looked away from her.

"Crush it…" she said hoarsely. "This is how it's supposed to end where you…the Savior…crushes the Evil Queen's…heart. You're going to save everyone, even yourself."

"I'm not going to crush it", I said in a small voice.

"Why?"

"Because I…love you."

"No you don't. You love everyone else except…me."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"It's…true."

"That's not true!" I said in a frustrated voice. "It's not…true…"

"Then why have you never kissed me, Em-ma?" she asked as the room grew colder, almost as if it was winter within her bed chambers. "You can kiss all of them, but you couldn't kiss me even when you…wanted to…because I'm a…woman."

"Noo, it's not…that…"

"I'm…a villain then. But Hook's a villain…where's…Henry? Tell him that…I'm sorry…I've failed him and I couldn't be the mother he wanted…just as I can't ever be the woman you love ever again."

"Stop talking like that."

"Stop wasting time and do what you have to do."

"What happens…" and I choked on a sob, "what happens to my happy ending if I crush it?" I asked her. "You're…"

"I'm not anyone's happy ending. That's pathetic. Do what you have to do or just leave and never come back. I'll die anyway."

"You're not going to die!"

"Emma, stop being naïve like your mother."

Her words were so robotic, lacking emotion, but they meant too much to me. Everything she kept saying truly hurt me, cutting me like a knife. And I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't. Picking up the heart, as she turned her head to cast her eyes on the ceiling above, I lifted the faintly glowing organ. With a shaky hand, I got up and sat next to her, facing her, her eyes dark and lifeless. And when I rested the still beating organ on her chest, if it hadn't been beating then I really would have thought she was dead.

"Regina?" I whispered, using my left hand to reach up, to brush my fingers against her right cheek. She was so cold and unresponsive. "Can you…hear me?"

Nothing…

"Regina…"

Her eyes were glassy as she stared at nothing, as she didn't move. And yet the organ pressed on her chest continued to beat. I gazed at it with wide eyes, burning eyes, wet eyes. And then sucking in air through my teeth, air that tasted cold and bitter, I slowly rested my palm against her heart and pressed downwards. At first all I felt was the sting of coldness, almost like frostbite. But then a slow warming sensation travelled from her chest into my arm and upwards. It only lasted for a few seconds though.

She gasped, eyes flying wide open, and then her body started to shake, gradually becoming worse as I stared at her in fright, in disbelief. I honestly don't know how to explain what happened next because it was something I never wanted to remember for as long as I lived. Looking at her in that state killed me over and over again. And as she began to tremble terribly, her eyes squeezed shut, I began to cry because I didn't know what to do. When I tried to touch her, my fingertips stung and all I could do was watch her.

Very soon, this wisp of black vapor began to seep through her nose and parted lips as her hands lay motionless on the bed at her sides. It was a sickening black, like evil, purely black like ink but without solidity. It was like a gas, like a ghost, like dangerous poison. And pulling away from her, I was forced to stand up as more and more surrounded her, her eyes squeezed shut as she fought to breathe.

I couldn't take it at all and turned away from her, squeezing my eyes shut as my knees grew weak. And after some time, I began to feel a difference in the air around me. It was almost as if someone had thrown open a window and had let in some fresh air. The tension in the room was seeping away, bringing in a new warmth, the coldness diminishing gradually. And I finally turned with shaky hands to cast my eyes on her again. It was almost as if I was expecting the worst. I was expecting to see her dead there.

And still she lay there motionless on the bed.

But the sickly black stuff was gone, her face wasn't pale anymore or gaunt but different. Her hair wasn't fully black but blacker than before, the grey disappearing as I looked at her in front of me. And above all, I could detect the rise and fall of her chest.

"Regina…" I tried again, my chest feeling compressed and heavy. "Madame Mayor? Your…majesty…it's…me, Emma…Sheriff Swan…Miss Swan", I began to cry again. "It's me, Henry's other mom, the one who gave him up and you…raised him for me for…ten years. That's me. I'm the one who never stopped believing in you, the one who was stupid, so stupid to never realize how much you loved me. I kissed those guys because I was stupid. All I wanted was…you and I'm pathetic, I'm a…pathetic…student. I'm your…Savior."

All the time I kept stepping closer to her side, and I sat down once more, gently, my hand reaching for hers as I did, my eyes on her.

"I can't live without you", I said in a weak voice. "You're my best chance, the one they always kept telling me I'd have some day. I…" I lowered my head, and reaching up, held my hair back with my fingers as her lips lay inches apart from mine, "love you…" I said softly. And I did what I should have done a very long time ago. Pressing my lips on hers, I kissed her softly.

And I felt so overwhelmed with emotion, with desire and passion that I had to squeeze my eyes shut to digest all of it. Next thing I knew, a hand was pressed on my chest and I was being pushed back weakly. Gasping, our eyes met as hers fluttered open. And they weren't a pair of dark empty pools anymore. No, what I saw was just her eyes, her beautiful eyes that were quickly filling up with tears. Very soon, she started to cry and when I tried to touch her, to hold her hands, Regina lashed out at me, her face angered and frustrated, tears leaking down her cheeks.

"Why did you do that?" she asked hoarsely, pushing me away. "I told you to crush it."

"I told you I couldn't do that."

"You just don't listen, you don't ever listen to me", she said firmly, her eyes direct. "I gave you one order and you couldn't fulfill it."

"I'm a pathetic student", I said, trying a smile because I was so glad that she was okay, that she was alive and not dead.

"You're pathetic and stubborn and ignorant…"

"Keep going, let it all out…" I urged.

"Now you've made my life a lot worse than it was."

"I just saved you!" I said in disbelief. "How can that be any worse than you were?"

"Because this is never going to be easy for me!" she said in frustration. "Can't you see that? I'm still here and I did things that ruined me. I can never erase the past or what I did. I will always be a villain no matter what, with or without my heart. And I took my heart out for a reason. It was to stop feeling all this pain…I'm in so much pain right now because of you. And it's worse than before. I was better off dead. I can't keep living like this. You had one job and you couldn't do it."

I remained silent.

"When I look at you, all I can see is the woman who broke my heart and turned me into a monster."

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way", I said, getting up from the bed.

"I wish…" she stopped and looked at me, her eyes wet with tears, "I wish that I had never…met…you in the first place. I wish that you stayed in Boston or you ate that apple…tart. I wish that you never entered my life at all because you destroyed me."

"You destroyed yourself!" I said angrily, hot tears draining down my cheeks. "I didn't destroy you. You did this to yourself. And yeah, go ahead and blame me for ruining your life when you made these choices on your own. You ruined me! And yet I'm standing here with my heart in my chest after going through shit, hell and back, having my heart broken more times than you could count. I'm still here. I never turned to magic or evil to get control. No, I took it in the face, and braved it out."

"I hate you so much that I actually fell in love with you", she said sarcastically, choking on a sob.

"I wish you had your wish come true, that we never met in the first place", I said angrily.

"Then walk away from me."

"I'll do that."

"Do it."

"I'm leaving."

"Don't come back", she said hoarsely, and I turned on the spot and began to walk to the door. "Leave me alone to…suffer and start all over…again."

My right hand reached for the knob on the door. "That's your choice."

"Emma…" she said weakly, and I turned my eyes to watch her push herself off the bed into a sitting position, "wait…"

"What?"

She tried to stand steady on her feet, her dark hair tossed around her head, makeup smeared and her vest twisted. Then trying her balance, she stepped towards me, staggering a little as her hands tried to keep her from falling. Appearing drunk as she swayed to me, I stood there and waited, not only because my feet were rooted to the spot, but because I didn't want to leave at all. And upon reaching me, just a foot between us, Regina lifted her shaky hands to feel my hair between her fingers. Breathing heavy, she stepped closer and I stepped back into the door, pressing myself against it as her hands found my neck and pulled my face closer to hers.

"You make me so angry", she whispered against my lips, as we breathed fast, "why do you make me hate you so much that I end up…loving you all over again in a matter of…seconds?"

"I don't know", I said stubbornly as our heads danced with desire, as my hands on their own accord felt her slim waist, feeling how thin she had gotten.

"You're…poisonous…"

"Me?" I asked and half laughed. "You're the one who was leaking evil just now."

"You're so…beautiful…and no matter how I hate what you've done to me, how you've weakened me, how you left me with no choice but to let go of myself, in the end you…" she used her right thumb to caress my lips, "you saved me."

"I couldn't crush your heart, Regina."

"Now…" she turned on the spot slowly and took up my hands, wrapping them around her as she backed up into me, "continue from where you left off when you came back for me that night after two years."

"Like this?" I asked, pressing my lips to her right ear as my hands gingerly caressed her, fingertips driving trails across her exposed midsection.

She immediately threw her head back, moving sensually as I pressed kisses along the side of her face, her dark hair tickling my eyes.

"Why did you capture my parents and torture them like that though?" I asked softly.

"Because I hate them, always judging me, and they will object to us, always will. And well…I had to lure you back somehow. I had no intentions of killing them."

"Good. That makes me feel much better."

"Show me how much better."

Turning her head sideways, I captured her lips in a kiss and hungrily tasted her with passion. I could have stayed like that forever, right there with her, just us two because that's what I had always wanted. I never wanted to let her go at all. And I didn't. I didn't let her go. When our hungry desires led us to her bed, I allowed her to lie under me, watching her adjust herself as my fingers played with her hair. When we kissed, I tasted apples and the fresh bliss that had always been anticipated on my behalf. Parting her lips, our tongues moved in unison, feeling, tasting each other, teeth grazing against cheekbones and biting exposed skin. And after realizing how she was still recovering, we never took it too far on the first try but saved the rest for later.

Needless to say, that night ended off with her falling asleep in my arms, her face buried in my hair. And with one hand wrapped around her, I pressed a kiss on her forehead and softly rested a palm on her chest.

When I felt her heart beating strongly, it was the perfect moment for me. It was a step towards my happy ending and I knew that from that day we'd face challenges. But we'd face them together. No Neal, no Robin, just us.

And that's how I ended up saving Regina and proving myself to everyone who ever doubted my actions and my love for her. I always loved her. I was just hesitant in loving such a strong woman, but I always believed in her. Above all, from the time we first met, we both saw this coming.


End file.
